What's on YOUR list?

ETA: As soon as I published this post, I immediately thought of more things I want to do and places I want to see. Rather than keeping track of them elsewhere, I will add them to the lists here.  I will also cross them off when I’ve completed them (except for the last list, because most of those things are ongoing rather than one-time).

For my 300th post, I decided to write a Bucket List – things I want to do before I die.  I divided the list into three (loose) categories of 100 each:  1) Places I Want to Visit, 2) Things I Want to Do (many of which include specific places), and 3) Ways I Want to Make a Difference in the World.

Making the first list was a snap.  I did not allow myself to include places I’ve already visited but want to see again, and even so, I had no trouble choosing 100 places.  I could never travel enough or see enough of the world.  I would go to every last corner of the earth of I could.  So I guess it’s good that I now have priorities!

The second list was more difficult.  I really had to stretch myself and give myself permission to dream big without allowing the censor to whisper, “Oh that’s not possible!”

The third list was by far the most difficult.  I always think in the nebulous terms of, “I want to make a difference,” but I never specify HOW exactly.  Now that I’ve reached 40, I realize it’s time I start not only thinking about it but doing some things.  For that reason, this was a very good exercise for me.  I think we should all think about not just what we want to do for ourselves but what mark we want to leave on the world.

One final comment: I did not include things that would require others to make specific choices.  For instance, I could easily have put, ‘See my kids get married’ or ‘Watch Michigan win a National Championship Game live’, but that would require outcomes I have no control over.  So I kept the list tightly focused on things that I would be capable (theoretically) of doing without being dependent on the decisions or actions of others.

Places to Visit

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” – St. Augustine

1. Kenya – Masai Mara
2. Egypt – Cairo, Pyramids, Red Sea, Nile
3. Morocco – Marrakech, Fez, Tangier, Sahara
4. South Africa
5. Tanzania/Mt. Kilamanjaro
6. Mauritius
7. Namibia – Etosha National Park, Skeleton Coast
8. Zimbabwe
9. Bwindi National Park, Uganda
10. Seychelles
11. Australia
    

    Sydney Harbor

12. New Zealand
13. Madagascar
14. Japan – Tokyo, Kyoto, Nara
15. Thailand
16. Vietnam
17. Indonesia/Bali
18. China – Shanghai, Beijing, Great Wall
19. Tibet
20. Nepal
21. Bhutan
22. The Taj Mahal, India
23. Mumbai, India
24. The ghats of Varanasi, India
25. Malaysia – Kuala Lumpur
26. Windsor Castle, England
27. Cornwall, England
28. The Lake District, England
29. Scottish Highlands
30. Ireland
31. Crete, Greece
32. Santorini, Greece
33. Zakinthos, Greece
    

    Zakynthos, Greece

34. Rhodes, Greece
35. Symi, Greece
36. Barcelona, Spain
37. Sevilla, Spain
38. Valencia, Spain
39. Cordoba & Granada, Spain
40. Provence, France
41. Carcassone, France
42. Normandy, France
43. Amalfi Coast, Italy
44. Bologna, Italy
45. Siena, Italy
46. Tuscan countryside, Italy
47. Sicily, Italy
48. Lake Garda, Italy
49. Salzburg, Austria
50. Vienna, Austria
51. Berlin, Germany
52. Black Forest, Germany
53. Swiss Alps
54. Lucerne, Switzerland
55. Amsterdam, Netherlands
56. Croatia
57. Budapest, Hungary
58. St. Petersburg, Russia
59. Sweden
60. Norway
    

    Norway Fjord

61. Iceland
62. Hebrides Islands
63. Rio de Janeiro
64. Amazon Rainforest
65. Argentina – Buenos Aires
66. Chile
67. Peru
68. Macchu Picchu
69. Patagonia – Argentina and Chile
70. Alaska
71. Many Glacier Lodge – Glacier National Park
72. Charleston, South Carolina
73. Savannah, Georgia
74. Cape Cod, Massachussets
75. New Hampshire in the autumn
76. Moab, Utah
77. Monument Valley, Utah
78. Mesa Verde National Park, Colorado
79. Great Sand Dunes National Park, Colorado
80. Florida Everglades
81. Isle Royale National Park, Michigan
82. Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore, Michigan
83. Hawaii – Big Island, Maui, Kauai
84. Santa Fe, New Mexico
85. Albuquerque, New Mexico
86. Finger Lakes Region, New York
87. Badlands, South Dakota
    

    South Dakota Badlands

88. Yosemite National Park, California
89. Santa Barbara, California
90. Quebec City, Canada
91. Niagara Falls, Canada
92. Banff National Park, Canada
93. Galapagos Islands, Ecuador
94. Yucatan Peninsula, Mexico
95. Baja California, Mexico
96. Chiapas, Mexico
97. Nicaragua
98. Belize
99. St. Lucia
100. St. Vincent & the Grenadines
101. Basque Region of Spain
102. Cuba

Things I Want to Do

“Life is either a great adventure or nothing.” — Helen Keller

1. Publish many books for children
2. Write and publish travel articles
3. Write and publish personal essays
4. Make The New York Times Bestseller list
5. Write a novel (at least one). I almost don’t even care if I ever publish one.  I just want to write one.
6. Write down my father’s “Greatest Hits” (i.e. his best stories)
7. Dive the Great Barrier Reef, Australia
8. Dive in the Red Sea, Egypt
9. Dive in Palau, Micronesia
10. Camel-trek in the Sinai desert
11. Go cage diving to see Great White Sharks
12. Dive in a kelp forest
13. Hike the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu during a full moon
14. Ride in a hot air balloon
15. Take my kids to Disney World
16. See a wolf in the wild
17. Go to the Rose Bowl when Michigan is playing
18. Ski Jackson Hole
19. Ski at every resort in Colorado
20. Ski the Dolomites in Italy
21. Ski the Alps
22. Learn to ski moguls like an expert
23. Learn to ski in powder like an expert
24. Go heli-skiing
25. Take a photography course
26. Stand on the field at The Big House
27. Perfect Adho Mukha Vrksasana (handstand) pose in yoga
28. Take an Italian language immersion class in Italy
29. Take a flamenco dancing class in Spain
30. Learn to speak fluent Italian
31. Read The Divine Comedy in Italian
32. Take surfing lessons
33. Touch an elephant
    

    Photo from my brother

34. Swim with dolphins
35. Attend an Eckhart Tolle retreat
36. Meet the Dalai Lama
37. Attend an Olympic Games
38. Spend Hogmanay in Edinburgh
39. Spend a few nights on The Royal Scotsman
40. Compete in a “mini” triathlon
41. Run another half marathon
42. Oktoberfest in Munich
43. Take cooking classes in Italy and France
44. Do wine-tasting tours in Italy and France
45. Wine-tasting tour in South Africa
46. See the Northern Lights
47. Successfully grow broccoli in my garden
48. Learn how to build an Excel spreadsheet
49. Perform in a play
50. Become a writing coach/teacher
51. Attend at least one World Cup game
52. Earn a living from writing and writing-related work
53. See a whale in the wild
54. Take my daughter to Rancho la Puerta
55. Attend the Yoga Journal conference in Estes Park
56. Do yoga in India
57. Make meditation a regular practice in my life
58. Write and e-publish a travel memoir
59. Finally read David Copperfield to the end
60. Learn Colorado history
61. Polar Bear safari in Cape Churchill, Canada
62. Bake a cake at altitude that doesn’t sink in the middle
63. Go Deep Sea fishing
64. See an opera at La Scala in Milan
65. Carnavale in Venice
66. Carnival in Rio de Janeiro
67. Stand on the North Pole
    

    Absolut bar at the Ice Hotel

68. Stay at the Ice Hotel in Sweden
69. Take my kids to see Les Mis
70. Sleep under the stars in the Sahara desert
71. Take a helicopter ride to see a live volcano
72. Walk on the Great Wall of China
73. Bush-walking in Seven Spirit Bay, Australia
74. Hike in Tasmania, Australia
75. Hike The Grand Traverse and Fiordland National Park, New Zealand
76. Stay in an overwater bungalow in Bora Bora
77. See the Iditarod – Anchorage, Alaska
78. Kayak in The Inside Passage and Glacier Bay, Alaska
79. Ride the Durango and Silverton steam train
80. Swim with Manatees in Florida
81. Attend the Highlights Foundation Writer’s Workshop at Chautauqua
82. Go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras
83. Go to the Balloon Fiesta in Albuquerque, NM
84. Go back to Camogli, Italy for the Sagra del Pesce
85. Cruise the Antarctic Peninsula
86. Learn to play poker
87. Ride a zipline in the jungle
88. Put all of our home movies together so we can watch them on TV
89. Digitize all of my “paper” photos
90. Organize all photos into digital albums
91. Complete all twelve weeks of The Artist’s Way
92. Go on a yoga/meditation retreat
93. Bag one of Colorado’s “Fourteeners.” Preferably Long’s Peak, which I can see from my front window
94. Write poetry more often – not for publication, just for myself
95. Climb a 50 ft. indoor rock wall (which my daughter can do!)
    

    la Tomatina - Bunol Spain

96. Ride the Trans-Siberian Railway
97. See a meteor shower
98. See every Michelangelo sculpture
99. Participate in la Tomatina – Tomato fight!
100. Learn more about my family history/geneology
101. Attend a local “festa” in rural Italy
102. See a Harp Seal in the wild

Ways I Want to Make a Difference

“If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one.” – Mother Teresa

1. Raise responsible, independent, compassionate children. If I fail at this, nothing else will matter.
2. Ensure my children receive a good education so they can contribute to the world.
3. Love my children boundlessly
4. Teach my kids to be appreciative
5. Encourage the kids in their natural sense of wonder
6. Expose my kids to as many experiences in the natural world as possible
7. Expose my kids to as many cultures as possible
8. Read as many books to my kids as possible
9. Look my kids in the eyes when I speak with them
10. Be as good of a mother to my kids as my mother was to me
11. Donate a portion of my personal proceeds from the sales of my (future) books to benefit related charities
12. Make an annual donation of food and blankets to the Humane Society
13. Adopt another dog or two (eventually – Rocky is enough for now!)
14. Continue teaching critical thinking skills via the Junior Great Books program
15. Help bring healthy, whole food to all school cafeterias by supporting the School Food Project and Food, Family, Farming foundation
16. Donate annually to National Public Radio and PBS
17. Donate annually to National Resources Defense Council and Defenders of Wildlife
18. Donate annually to The Sierra Club
19. Shop for gifts through organizations such as Unicef and National Wildlife Federation
20. Advocate sexual and reproductive health education and rights for women around the world – through donations and Kiva lending
21. Continue making micro-loans through Kiva
22. Vote in every election
23. Take Volunteer Vacations
24. Teach creative writing to children
25. Teach writing workshops for adults
26. Mentor new writers
27. Lead writing retreats that inspire women to give time to their creativity
28. Create a scholarship for these retreats
29. Help others live creative lives with passion
30. Support small, family-run businesses as much as possible
31. Grow vegetables in my garden every year
32. Plant trees in my yard and in the community
33. Each time I shop, buy one item for donation and put it in a box.  When the box is full, take it in to the food bank.
34. Buy organic food as much as possible
35. Shop at farmer’s markets more often
36. Continue serving on the PTO at my kids’ school
37. Support fellow writers by buying their books
38. Be “responsible for the energy I bring” – from Jill Bolte Taylor – more info here
39. Be a better listener
40. Practice patience
41. Do a better job of keeping in touch with people who are important to me
42. Volunteer to spend time with an elderly person
43. Practice living in the present moment so I can bring my full attention to the people I am with/what I am doing.
44. Participate in a Polar Bear Plunge for charity
45. Complete A Course in Miracles
46. Continue my Gratitude Sunday posts
47. Consistently donate clothing, toys and other items that we no longer use
48. Sponsor families in need at Thanksgiving and Christmas every year
49. Find ways to volunteer with my kids
50. Write letters to authorities advocating my views on issues that are important to me
51. Help Em sell Girl Scout cookies
52. Pick up litter at every opportunity
53. Participate in 5K, 10K and other runs that benefit charity
54. Donate my talents (writing critiques, editing, etc.) to online auctions to benefit charity
55. Make eye contact with people and smile
56. Whenever possible, say people’s names out loud to them
57. Remember to say “thank you” for each and every kindness and courtesy
58. Use my blog to create awareness of important issues
59. Read banned books and make sure my kids read banned books
60. Support the arts by providing funding for Kickstarter projects
61. Use my public speaking skills to motivate people
62. Recycle and compost as much as we can
63. Solar power our home
64. Use only non-toxic cleaning products
65. Always take re-usable bags when I go shopping
66. Tip well for good service
67. Give compliments often
68. Do nice things for strangers for no reason
69. Promote the good work of others
70. Don’t ignore people who are suffering – instead reach out to them
71. Conserve energy – turn off unused lights, unplug appliances, etc.
72. Write more Thank You notes
73. Get my Christmas cards out every year
74. Participate in Crayons to Calculators each year
75. Participate in Turn Off the T.V. Week each year
76. Start collecting Box Tops for education
77. Write notes to authors of books I love letting them know
78. Volunteer in a disaster recovery effort
79. Keep the computer turned off from the time my kids come home from school until they go to bed
80. Once a month, have a family game night
81. Read out loud to the kids as a family activity more often
82. Treat my family with respect
83. Do not buy meat from factory farms
84. Give without expecting anything in return
85. Observe the beauty in the world aloud to others
86. Practice forgiveness – work on forgiving those who have hurt me
87. Invite a neighbor over for a cocktail
88. Talk to my aunts and uncle so I can record stories of their childhood
89. Cook meals for friends more often
90. Teach the kids how to cook traditional family recipes
91. Volunteer in a women’s shelter
92. Volunteer, at least once, among the very poor
93. Volunteer to promote literacy among both children and adults
94. Read, with an open mind, articles and books written by people whose views are very different from my own
95. Value experiences over stuff and teach my kids to do the same
96. Help educate others about the importance of wild predators in the food chain
97. Write more book reviews to support books (and authors) I love
98. Learn about Feng Shui so I can apply some of it to my house
99. Do a better job of remembering the birthdays of friends and family members and to actually send cards
100. Advocate for art and physical education in public schools

Do you have a Bucket List?  If not, do you want to make one?  Here are some additional resources to get you started:

43 Things

Barefoot List

Creating a Bucket List

Note to self: Perhaps next year hanging a Johnny Depp calendar will help keep spirits up.

Don’t let the door smack you in the a$$ on the way out.

So, January is not my best month.  Never has been.  Some of my darkest days have been January days.  I’m not entirely sure what comes over me, but it’s been compounded by the fact that both of my kids have their birthdays are in January.  I wrote about this last year too.  I love my kids with the intensity of a thousand suns.  I want to love celebrating their birthdays.  But the truth is, I am always in survival mode.  I do what I need to do to get through the festivities with a plastic smile on my face before collapsing into a stupor of relief afterwards.

Another part of the problem is that the world takes off in earnest in January.  My Google reader filled to bursting with posts about resolutions, goals and plans for the new year.  People seem to head back to their work, their lives with new gusto while I struggle to get out of bed in the morning.  My January doldrums were not improved this year by a head injury I’d sustained in late December, or by the family of mice that took up residence in our kitchen cabinets and took a week to do away with.  We also went to New York and spent two weekends skiing in Keystone, which added a huge element of fun and excitement to the month, but also served to push me further and further behind in my attempts to get back into the saddle of life (pun intended).

Supposedly, Albert Einstein once said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  After years of enduring bad Januarys, I finally had an epiphany: January won’t change, but I can.  In this spirit, I have created my own 5 commandments of January as follows:

1. Treat January as an extension of the holidays. With two kids celebrating birthdays in January, this is really true.  Parties, presents, planning.  I cannot expect to re-enter the normal flow of life with two seminal events to celebrate in the same month.
2. Do not take on any new or extra commitments. Because everybody else seems revved up with new goals and new energy, opportunities for new challenges and experiences abound.  Many of them are extremely worthwhile and hugely tempting.  The lovely Kat Apel, for example, hosted the Month of Poetry in January.  I participated for five days and then fell off the face of the earth.  Then I felt terrible, both for reneging on a commitment and for failing to support a friend.  From now on, no matter how tempting, I just need to say no to putting more on myself this month, even if it’s something fun.
3. The New Year begins February 1st. No more New Year’s resolutions/goals for January (see #1).  The real new year will begin for me on February 1.
4. Focus on family. It’s not my kids’ fault that they were both born in January, with birthdays ten days apart.  Even though the birthdays come right after Christmas, they are still a huge deal to them – rightly so.  My fatigue, seasonal depression, eagerness to get back into a routine, does not change the fact that they need and deserve to be celebrated this month.  I’ve always managed to pull off their parties and festivities, but this year I made a couple of decisions in the name of expediency/making it easier for myself that ended up disappointing my daughter, even though she put on a brave face.  This leads to my last commandment, which speaks to making sure I have the energy reserves to support these four, which is:
5. Be kind to myself. I need to give myself permission to keep things at a slower pace.  Read books, take naps and hot baths.  Cook nourishing food.  Drink tea.  Meditate.  Exercise.  Write.  If I nourish myself, hopefully I will be able to provide birthday celebrations for my kids that I enjoy too.

Do you have months that are historically difficult for you?  If so, what are your strategies for surviving and thriving?

But then, the changes are exciting and beautiful too.  She is a reader, a writer, an artist.  She loves ballet, basketball and skiing.  She is quick to provide comfort and slow to hurt feelings.  She has ever-evolving ideas about the world and her place in it.  If she has a flair for the melodramatic and is prone to mood swings, she also has infinite reserves of kindness and generosity.  She is love itself living inside my house (and my heart).  And if I am guilty of sometimes stewing in nostalgia, I am equally eager to embrace and enjoy whatever her continuing metamorphosis will bring this year.  Happy Birthday sweetie girl!!  You have brought us happiness beyond measure.

I am approaching this summer with an equal measure of excitement and trepidation.  With the exception of one summer when Jay was an infant, I have always worked through the summer.  Last summer was especially difficult because I was working part-time, but summer day care and summer camps operate on a weekly schedule.  My choices were: spend the days with the kids and work nights and weekends or put them in weekly day care/camps when I only needed child care for three days.  I ended up working during vacations to make up time, and the hours I wasn’t working were spent shuttling them around to their various camps and scrambling to get my errands done.  By the time school started again, my relief was matched only by my guilt.  I was pulled in so many directions I hadn’t been truly present for anything.  I knew I needed to make a drastic change.

If you’ve been following the blog, you know that change was to leave my job and take a crack at writing as my vocation.  With summer in full swing, however, I know the writing will take a back burner.  That’s where the trepidation comes in.  Part of me is wholeheartedly looking forward to a good old-fashioned summer with the kids.  One that is not overscheduled, overcamped, overactivitied.  One that includes running through the sprinkler, playing in the pool, wading in the Boulder creek, having picnics in the park, tending the garden, hunting bugs with magnifying glasses, etc.  The other part of me, however, requires personal time and space in order to thrive.  Call me a less-than-dedicated mother if you will, but I do go stir crazy when I am around my kids 24×7 for an extended period of time.

I am trying to mitigate the craziness by letting go of some of my expectations – like the expectation that my newly uncluttered house will remain so or that I will be able to keep up with the laundry or exercise every day.  I also need to let go of the notion that I’ll be able to get serious amounts of writing done.  That one is the most difficult, because I feel like I am on the verge of a breakthrough with a couple of my pieces.  I am going to try to start waking up at least an hour before the kids and use that time for writing, but a morning person I am not.  So again, I need to temper my expectations.

My biggest goal for the summer though, is to have patience with the kids (and myself) and to let go enough to enjoy this time with them.  They won’t be little for too much longer.  A few more summers and Em will probably be more interested in spending time with her friends than with me.  This is Jay’s last summer as a preschooler.

What’s amazing is that the more I set my emotional compass to “patience of steel,” the kids do everything they can to test it.  Em wakes up whining, or Jay spills water on the floor on purpose.  Also, my own mother is getting paid back in spades for all the times I hollered to her from other rooms in the house.  If I had known just exactly how irritating that habit is, I would have stored up the anti-hollering karma by ALWAYS walking quietly over to my mother and asking for what I needed in the most polite of tones.  Alas, I was in the “MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!” camp, and now I’m getting my own.

If nothing else, it should be an interesting summer.  I hope to chronicle as much of it as I can in the blog.  Time permitting of course – no expectations.

Last week was NaPiBoWriWee, or for the uninitiated, National Picture Book Writing Week, started by the fabulous Paula Yoo.  where participants are challenged to write one picture book a day for seven days.  In a previous post, I explained why I wanted to participate in this insane venture, and I pledged my goals.  So with a pure and hopeful heart, I set off to the library on the first day (Saturday, May 1) to tackle my most ambitious idea.  Six hours later, I emerged with a near-finished draft and a pile of research materials to enable me to finish that evening.  Super start!

The next day, Sunday, I again disappeared into a private writing cave to knock out my second story.  No problem.  Maybe this was going to be easier than I thought?  I was feeling supremely confident, now that the weekend was over.  It’s actually more difficult to find time to write on the weekends when I also have to coordinate around family time.  I figured it would be smooth sailing now that the work and school week was starting.  That assumption started off true enough since I’d “written” Monday’s story in my head in bed that night, so all I had to do was roll out of bed on Monday and write it down.

Then came Tuesday.  It was a warm, but exceptionally windy day.  Jay and I went straight from the house to the car and drove to his preschool.  I mulled over writing ideas for the day during the drive.  We got to the school, fought our way through the wind and past the door when I looked down at him.  That’s when I saw it.  “OH. MY. G-D!”  In the time I had taken us to drive the 15 minutes from home to school, his eyeball flesh had swollen out of his socket.  It looked like a hard-boiled egg.  How do you get swollen eyeball flesh?!?  He hadn’t cried or complained in the car, so I couldn’t imagine what happened.  I tried (unsuccessfully) to remain calm while the office staff helped me create a makeshift patch over his eye.  Then I raced him off to the doctor imagining the worst – eye infection, blindness, you name it.  Thankfully, the reality was much more benign.  Jay must have a seasonal allergy, and a fleck of pollen or something probably blew into his eye before getting into the car. Then he sat rubbing it in during the drive to school, creating the hard-boiled egg effect.  Ten minutes after receiving a dose of prescription eyedrops, he looked much better.  The next day, you could hardly even tell the eye was swollen.  Whew!  All’s well that ends well – except for the writing of course.  Instead of making up the time that evening as planned, I dealt with Em’s disaster for the day.  She had come home from school nearly hysterical over an incident with her best friend.  After an hour of soothing and comforting and wiping wet tears from her face, I brought her into bed with me so we could both fall asleep.

Wednesday, despite being nearly catatonic with fatigue, I wrote half of a new story before I realized I had to stop and go volunteer at Em’s school.  I also forgot that I had a meeting that evening.  After the meeting, I was forced against my will to go out and have a margarita in honor of Cinco de Mayo – okay, two margaritas!  Needless to say no more writing got done that day.

No problem.  I would make it up on Thursday.  Rocky was scheduled for surgery to have his dew claws removed, so I wouldn’t have to take time from writing to walk him or take him to the dog park.  I did have to volunteer at the school that morning, but I had the afternoon, so I thought.  Forgot, once again, that I had to pick Em up from school (usually she takes the bus).  (How did I survive before I had my iPhone beeping at me??)  Then I took her to ballet, and afterward we went together to pick Rocky up.  He’d done really well in surgery, and the vet gave us pretty simple instructions for the next 24 hours.

Vet: “No rigorous exercise.  Keep the bandages clean and don’t let him chew or lick them or they could get infected.  He’s been heavily medicated, so he’ll need lots of rest.  Again, only take him out to go the bathroom.  NO rigorous exercise!  Then bring him in tomorrow and we’ll remove the bandages.”

Me: “Yes sir.  I’m on it.  No rigorous exercise!”

Ever since Rocky came home from his doggie boot camp training, he’s been on an e-collar, which is how we are training him to come when called.  It was the last resort, but one we had to take because nothing else was working.  That’s probably one of the reasons why, when he bolted out the door within ten minutes of coming home from the vet, he was even more difficult to coax back than usual.  His manic joy at finding himself free plus the fact that he was doped up with morphine, Valium and some other pain killer made it nearly impossible to get him back.  We tried all the usual things: starting the car so he’d chase it, and then trying to lure him in with hot dogs.  Setting a “hot dog trail” up the driveway and through the door.  I even laid down in the street and played dead with hot dogs in each hand, but still he would not come.  After one hour of extremely vigorous exercise, I finally got him in the car.  His bandages were bloody, muddy and soaked.  Of course the vet’s office was now closed, so off we went to doggie ER.  Luckily he hadn’t damaged his stitches or re-opened the wound, so it was a simple matter of cleaning the incisions and re-bandaging his legs.  All to the tune of $125 – AFTER a $500 surgery.  Yeah, so I didn’t get any more writing done that day.  Instead I wished the vet had written me a prescription for Valium.

By Friday, the last day of NaPiBoWriWee, I had written 3 1/2 picture books.  Amazing how the week had imploded.  I had been keeping up with Paula and the other participants on her blog, so they all knew about my freakish week.  A kind and compassionate bunch, they would have understood if I had called it quits, and I was very, very tempted to quit.  After all, I wasn’t competing with anyone except myself.  And that’s when it hit me: it was certainly true that nobody else would care if I didn’t continue – but I would.  The fact is, when you are juggling 45 different roles in life, every week is going to be freakish in some way.  I tried to remember the last time I’d had a “normal” week, where the routine went forward as usual and nothing unexpected happened.  I couldn’t.  If I wanted to be a “real” writer, I reasoned, I would have to learn to use what scraps of time I was given instead of waiting for everything and everyone else to cut me a swath on a regular basis.

So I wrote.  I finished the story I’d started on Wednesday, and then I wrote another one – bringing my grand NaPiBoWriWee total to five picture books.  Which is, as a friend reminded me, five more than I started with at the beginning of the week.  I even got teary as I wrote the ending for the last one.  Don’t get me wrong – it’s horrible.  They all are.  That’s the purpose of first drafts.  But therein lies the beauty – now I get to work on them to create second and third drafts… and with each iteration the stories will, hopefully, be a little bit less horrible.

So, despite not reaching the original goal of writing 7 picture books, I put the NaPiBoWriWee “badge” on this post, and my coffee cup is on the way.  Because even though I didn’t “finish,” I did do my best.

Also, I’m glad I had that epiphany about fitting writing around life instead of the other way around, because this Saturday, instead of recovering from NaPi, I ended up taking Em to The Children’s Hospital for a neurological exam.  Thank goodness she’s fine, but it just proves the point once again: there is no such thing as normal – at least not in my life – but I can always strive to do my best with the abnormal.  Tell THAT to the Universe!

Me and my kiddos

This being Mother’s Day, I am compelled to dedicate this Gratitude Sunday post to my children and my mother.  Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there!!  In honor, I slipped in a few extra “motherhood” gratitude quotes.

Quotes on Gratitude for Mothers

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” -Washington Irving

“Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life.” -Sophocles

“God could not be everywhere and therefore He made mothers.” -Jewish Proverb

“Mother: the most beautiful word on the lips of mankind.” -Kahlil Gibran

“You may have tangible wealth untold: Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold. Richer than I you can never be. I had a Mother who read to me.” -Strickland Gillilan

Gratitude List for the week ending Sunday, May 9th

1. My two beautiful children
2. Their wonderful father
3. My own heroic mother, by whose example I strive to abide each and every day
4. Along with my mother, Phil’s parents, and Nancy for being our “village” and the best grandparents children could hope to have.
5. My father, although no longer here, my kids remember his big bear hugs and the ferocious love that went with them.
6. My girlfriends – some mothers, some not – all have helped me along my own motherhood journey
7. Wine – cause sometimes moms just need some!
8. Books, for giving me the “great escape” when I need it.
9. Mother’s Day – one day that I don’t have to cook or fold laundry!
10. Did I mention my two smart, funny, talented, gorgeous, loving children???

What are you grateful for this week?

You too, Mommie Dearest?

I had to take Rocky to doggie boot camp today.  He’ll be gone for ten days.  You see, he doesn’t come when he’s called, and if he gets loose (which happens frequently with a 4 year-old in the house), he bolts and has to be coaxed back into the house with serious goodies.  We’re talking real meat – doggie treats do not do the trick here.

It’s kind of ridiculous how much I miss him.  It’s akin to being separated from your first love for the first time and you count the days until you will be reunited.  I miss how he is always, absolutely thrilled to see me when I walk in the house.  I miss his quiet company when I’m working.  For all the comfy places he could be in the house, when I am at my desk for any period of time, he curls up underneath and rests his head on my feet.  I miss watching him make the kids laugh when they start crying.

All of which makes me feel even more guilty for leaving him.  I’ve used all the standard parent logic: “This is for your own good.  This hurts me more than it hurts you.  You’ll thank me later.  We will all be better off once you are able to listen,” and so on.  None of that logic helped yesterday when he resisted going into the truck.  He had to have known something was up because he loves the truck.  Fun things happen when you go in the truck.  You go to the dog park or to Grandma’s or for a hike.

Not yesterday.  He refused to jump in.  So here’s me trying to life a 70 pound dog into the truck with a very sore back.  I closed half the hatch and turned away from his pleading eyes before shutting him all the way in.  He paced the whole 45 minute drive to the training center.  He whined the whole time I spent filling out the paperwork.  He howled after I shut the door and left.  It was like leaving my kids with the nanny all over again.  You know they are going to be well cared for, loved even.  You know they will have fun and forget about you five minutes after you leave.  But it’s the howling you carry with you.

Phil says I’m anthropomorphizing.  Perhaps so.  But he didn’t see Rocky’s Julius Caesar eyes following me out the door as if to say, “How could you?  My own mother!”

I’ll be back next Friday.  Don’t hate me!

Abby had a difficult student in one of her classes last year (call her Brenna).  Brenna had a terrible attitude, never studied, never did her homework, didn’t pay attention in class and was openly hostile toward Abby.  Despite repeated attempts on Abby’s part to work with Brenna to improve her grade, Brenna did not put in her time and got an “F” in the class.

Months later, Abby’s eleven year-old daughter (call her Jamie) became a member of the sixth grade soccer team.  In order to inspire the girls, Jamie’s coach scheduled a weekend clinic with the high school girls’ soccer team.  Guess who was on that team?  Right — Brenna.  So here’s this group of eleven and sixteen year-old girls introducing themselves and after Jamie said her name, Brenna gives her the evil eye and said, “Oh, so you’re Mrs. X’s daughter.  You know, your (not nice word) mother failed me.”

Wherein this spitfire of an eleven year-old looks Brenna square in the face and responds, “My mother didn’t fail you.  You failed yourself.”

Imagine an eleven year-old girl, not only having the courage to stand up to a high schooler in a crowd of people, but also saying something so true and so wise.  Now you can see why I hope some of her mothering skills rub off on me.

It is easy to be discouraged with the “state” of kids today being brought up as they are in what seems like an age of entitlement, finger-pointing and passing the buck.  This story makes me think maybe the pendulum is starting to swing back the other way.  The best gift we can give our children is to teach them to be independent, responsible, self-disciplined, self-motivated and to hold themselves accountable for their actions.  Then we give them the chance to grow up and raise children in their image.  Our job is to provide ample love and guidance along the way.

I had a taste of this the other day when I complimented Em on bringing home an excellent report card.  I asked her, “Who are you doing this for?”

In response, she shouted, “Me!”

That is the right answer.  For as much as I don’t want to fail her, I especially don’t want her to fail herself.

Santa: “Ho, ho, ho – hi there Jay.”

Jay: “Hi!” (Pause for pictures)

Santa: “Well Jay, what do you want for Christmas?”

Jay: “A BIG toy boat.”

Santa: “Well what a coincidence, the elves just finished up all the boats last week.  You’ve been a good boy this year?”

(Wherein Jay looks him square in the eye and says, “Yes!!” without a moment’s hesitation)

Santa: “I’m sure you have.  You keep it up and have a Merry Christmas.”

Jay then reluctantly gets down from Santa’s lap, but stands right in front of him, blocking the next child from coming forward.  He waits until he has Santa’s attention again and says, “I’m really nice.”

It’s always good to reinforce your message.

This short visit then launches the following discussion in the car after he all but refused to eat his lunch.

Jay: “Santa said I’m on The Good List.”

Me: “Yes, but you need to stay on The Good List by continuing to be good.

Jay: “I’m not on The Bad List, right?”

Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

Jay: “What does ‘I don’t think so’ mean?”

Me: “It means I believe you’re on The Good List and not on The Bad List.”

Jay: “I’m not on The Bad List.”

Me: “I’m sure you’re not on The Bad List.”

Jay: “I’m not on The Bad List. I’m on The Good List. Right Mommy?”

Me: “I’m not Santa, Jay.  Only Santa can decide who’s on The Good List.”

Jay: “I’m on The Good List.  I’m not on The Bad List Mommy!”

Me: “I’m sure you’re right Jay.  You have been a good boy this year.”

Jay: “I’m on The Good List.”

If you want to know how the rest of the conversation went, just repeat this whole dialog sequence approximately 100 times.

So, I’ll get back to you on that post – maybe tomorrow – stay tuned.  In the meantime, I’m popping the cork on a bottle of red wine, hoping it will help me find my Zen before going back to get the kids…