For more books with resources please visit author Susanna Leonard Hill’s blog and find the tab for Perfect Picture Books!

My first FULL morning pages journal

Per my post last week, I’m combining Weeks 8 and 9 into one check-in. It is way later than usual because, well, the vagaries of life got in the way this week – grocery shopping, cooking dinner, transporting kids all over hell’s half-acre.  BUT, this one is a doozy so hold onto your seats!

• Week 8 Theme: “Recovering a Sense of Strength.”  This chapter focuses on surviving artistic losses by turning them into gains.  It also works on freeing us from using time as an avoidance strategy and creative block.
• Week 9 Theme: “Recovering a Sense of Compassion.”  This chapter deals with our biggest creative blocks – the internal ones.  We learn that creative blocks are born from fear and only fear, and that it is artist-abuse to call it anything else – laziness, untalented, unworthy, etc.
• Morning Pages: I missed a couple of days over the past two weeks, even though I didn’t intend to.  Here’s what I’ve learned about morning pages.  If I say to myself, “I’ll do them later,” I won’t.  They have to get done first thing after I wake up or they just don’t get done.
• Artist Date: I didn’t go anywhere, but I did indulge myself in a couple of different activities.  First, I have been participating in a free online business boot camp called Women on Purpose.  The calls are an hour a day a few days a week.  Normally I would not allow myself the luxury of a whole hour to do something that is seemingly not directly related to my work.  What I’ve found, however, is that the topics addressed on these calls ARE directly related to how I want to run my business.  They are fun, encouraging and inspiring to listen to.  Second, when I found myself feeling run down this week, I allowed myself a couple of long naps in the late morning.  Very restorative.

Any “Aha” Moments? 

• Chapter 8: One of the tasks for the week was a “memory mining” exercise.  I discovered that I had done several things in my youth to sabotage my budding writer.  Out of nowhere, I remembered that in my freshman year, my creative writing professor wanted to submit a couple of my papers (which were really personal essays) for publication.  I said no.  He encouraged me to take more creative writing courses.  I didn’t.  I know exactly why I didn’t, which I’m not going to say here, but what’s amazing is that I had forgotten ALL about it.  From there, I was able to remember other things I did over the years to squash myself before anybody else could.  Must. Stop. Doing That.
• Chapter 9: The big assignment this week was to read the morning pages so far.  Wow.  In a way, that was extremely painful, and in another way, both enlightening and encouraging.  All along I’ve been pleased with my progress.  Just making it to Week 10 is an achievement.  Yet, I hadn’t yet felt that I’d experienced any major transformation.  Well, I was wrong.  My early pages contain lots of name-calling (of myself), feelings of lack – of accomplishment, creativity, discipline, etc.  Somewhere in the middle of my journal (because I have now filled an entire book!), more often than not the name-calling and feelings of inadequacy gave way to insights, ideas and excitement.  After I finished reading, I started thinking about all I have done and everything that has happened since I began November 9, 2011.  A few examples:

A few favorite quotes from the Week 8 chapter:

“Creativity cannot be comfortably quantified in intellectual terms… (T)he entire thrust of intellectualism runs counter to the creative impulse. For an artist, to become overly cerebral is to become crippled.”

“Pain that is not used profitably quickly solidifies into a leaden heart, which makes any action difficult. When faced with a loss, immediately take one small action to support your artist.“

“At the heart of the anorexia of artistic avoidance is the denial of process. We like to focus on having learned a skill or having made an artwork. This attention to final form ignores the fact that creativity lies not in the done but in the doing.”

A few favorite quotes from the Week 9 chapter:

“Fear is the true name for what ails the blocked artist. It may be fear of failure or fear of success. Most frequently, it is the fear of abandonment.”

“(B)eing an artist requires enthusiasm more than discipline… Enthusiasm (from the Greek, “filled with God”) is an ongoing energy supply tapped into the flow of life itself. Enthusiasm is grounded in play, not work.”

“Remember that art is process. The process is supposed to be fun.”

How have you overcome avoidance (fear) and/or internal blocks to your art?

Week 7 Check-In

Week 6 Check-In

Week 5 Check-In

Week 4 Check-In

Week 3 Check-In

Week 2 Check-In

Week 1 Check-In

The Artist’s Way

The flowers I bought myself this week

I am now officially halfway through The Artist’s Way and twice as far as I’ve ever made it before.  That in and of itself is an accomplishment, but it’s beginning to feel likely that I will complete it this time.

• Week 6 Theme: “Recovering a Sense of Abundance.”  This chapter asks us to tackle our beliefs about money and its connection (or lack thereof) to art.  Artists of all stripes tend to convince themselves that it is not possible to make money by making art, or even worse, that money corrupts art.  Clinging to these beliefs limits the ability for all kinds of abundance to enter our lives because we somehow feel unworthy, or that the art is not worthy.
• Morning Pages: I did the morning pages every day except the day Katie Davis and I recorded the Brain Burps podcast.  I got out of bed that day charged up and ready to go.  What’s interesting now is that I’ll realize I missed later in the day and then everything feels “off” somehow.  I guess that’s what happens when a practice becomes a habit.
• Artist Date:  I had two full days at our Breckenridge ski rental to myself.  I spent most of the time dreaming about and planning not only 2012 but the years beyond.  Then I made a tactical plan to support the goals and dreams.  The time I wasn’t working was spent walking the dog with the views of mountains all around or soaking in the tub with a book.  So yes, I’d say it was one heck of an Artist Date!

Any “Aha” Moments? 

• Because money and abundance is such a charged topic, I actually thought this chapter gave it short shrift.  It dealt mostly with the ways in which we can be miserly with ourselves, suggesting we allow more luxuries, however small, into our lives.  One thing I did was buy myself fresh flowers.  I love the sight and smell of flowers in the house, but I almost never buy them because it seems like such a frivolous use of funds.  I’ve decided that I’ll buy them once a month from now on.  I didn’t notice any additional flow of prosperity into my life as a result of allowing myself that luxury, but maybe over time…
• One thing I realized is that I have to confront my overall fear of numbers. I’ve been living in avoidance of them for so long because I consistently tell myself I’m no good with them.  Can’t do that if you want to run a business and make money.  My most common recurring nightmare is that I have a math exam of some sort coming up and I haven’t attended any of the classes so I know nothing and have no way to pass.  Maybe if I believe I can learn to manage numbers (and actually take steps to learn), I will one day have a dream where I pass that exam!
• Overall, I do believe that doing what you love leads to abundance of all kinds, that there is enough money to go around and that creating art is a worthy livelihood.  I don’t feel deprived in any way.  I’ve always had everything I needed and most the time what I’ve wanted.  I want money to support my family, yes, but I view luxury as experiences – travel, classes, dining, recreation, etc., rather than things.  I view money as the means to have those experiences and the freedom to choose how to live my life.  If there is one word I associate most with money, it is freedom.

A few favorite quotes from the Week 6 chapter:

“Most of us harbor a secret belief that work has to be work and not play, and that anything we really want to do–like write, act, dance–must be considered frivolous and be placed a distant second.”

“When we do what we are meant to do, money comes to us, doors open for us, we feel useful, and the work we do feels like play to us.”

“Because art is born in expansion, in a belief in sufficient supply, it is critical that we pamper ourselves for the sense of abundance it brings to us.”

What are your beliefs about money, art, and doing what you love to do?

Week 5 Check-In

Week 4 Check-In

Week 3 Check-In

Week 2 Check-In

Week 1 Check-In

The Artist’s Way

• Week 5 Theme: “Recovering a Sense of Possibility.”  This chapter forces us to examine our limiting thoughts and all the ways in which we sabotage ourselves and our art.  We often want to stay within the safety of appearing good to the outside world as opposed to being our authentic selves.  The ways we sabotage ourselves include never taking time alone, sacrificing creative time to meet the needs of others, scarcity thinking (i.e. if so and so gets a book deal, that’s one less chance for me), discounting possibilities and undermining success.
• Morning Pages: I did the morning pages every day except Christmas.  When the kids wake you up at the crack of dawn bursting with excitement, just try asking them to wait while you write!  And no, I don’t consider that an example of self-sabotage.
• Artist Date:  Given that the whole family is home for to the holidays, there isn’t much solitude.  However, on Monday I did have a few hours to myself.  I used those to write, read and exercise.  Normally I would have convinced myself to work, clean, cook or plan.  Instead I allowed myself to do only enjoyable things.  I supplemented that by waking up early on Tuesday morning to write through some of the questions and tasks from Chapter 5.

Any “Aha” Moments? 

• There is a section in Chapter 5 called “The Virtue Trap” that nearly brought me to tears because I recognized so much of myself there.  Solitude, it says, is mandatory for creatives.  We need it as we need air to breathe.  I have blogged about the importance of solitude before – here and here.  When this chapter asked the question, “Are you self-destructive?” I figured I could say no because I do take time for myself to “fill the well” so to speak.  But what I realize now is that the question is much more nuanced, and my answer is not simple.
• I am good about carving out blocks of time for solitude at least once or twice a year, but I must admit that I have always felt at best strange and at worst terribly selfish about asking for and taking alone time.  The need to be alone doesn’t fit the world’s perception of a good person.  Giving to others always comes before giving to self.  As such, I kept waiting for Cameron to come forward with the section about balance.  That section never came.  This lady does not pull any punches.  She tells you like it is.  If you want to produce art, you need to nurture your creativity.  To nurture your creativity you need time alone.  Every time you sacrifice that need on the altar of other people’s expectations, you die a little inside.  Period.  The End.
• I struggled with this question all week. On the one hand, I felt such relief at seeing another person admit to sharing a need that is so strong within myself.  On the other hand, I still have serious questions about how to take the necessary time while still sharing myself with others.  I know Cameron is not suggesting that all artists go out, be hermits and cut all ties to outside world. I think she is saying is that when we don’t meet our artistic needs, we sabotage ourselves and become more puppet-person than real person.  In so doing, nobody benefits.  I think she is also saying that if we stop sabotaging our true selves, we become closer to others and experience the world more fully.  We might find that the world bends around our need to be alone so that it is not an either/or choice.
• THAT has always been my problem – viewing it as either/or.  My aha moment was realizing that I feel divided most of the time into the “real world” person who functions as everyone expects her to and the “inside” person who rages with creative desire so potent that it tugs at me almost continuously.  I don’t know how to bring these two together, so I’m hoping more answers will emerge as I continue the program.  Obviously my family and friends are just as important to me as my creativity, so I do need to find a way to merge these beings, or at least get them to live in harmony with one another.  For the moment, when I take time for creativity, I feel bad for my family and/or friends.  When I take time for family, friends, or other activities, I feel I am neglecting my artist-writer.  So I need to move from “no-win” to “all-win” situations.  Somehow.

A few favorite quotes from the Week 5 chapter:

“An artist must have downtime, time to do nothing.  Defending our right to such time takes courage, conviction, and resiliency… For an artist, withdrawal is necessary.  Without it, the artist in us feels vexed, angry, out of sorts.  If such deprivation continues, our artist becomes sullen, depressed, hostile..”

“We strive to be good, to be nice, to be helpful, to be un-selfish.  We want to be generous, of service, of the world.  But what we really want is to be left alone.  When we can’t get others to leave us alone, we eventually abandon ourselves.  To others, we may look like we’re there.  We may act like we’re there.  But our true self has gone to ground… Afraid to appear selfish, we lose our self.”

“Many people, caught in the virtue trap, do not appear to be self-destructive to the casual eye.  Bent on being good husbands, fathers, mothers, wives, teachers, whatevers, they have constructed a false self that looks good to the world and meets with a lot of worldly approval…  The true self is a disturbing character, healthy and occasionally anarchistic, who knows how to play, how to say no to others and “yes” to itself.”

Are YOU self-destructive?  Do you sacrifice your creative desire in order to tend to the needs of others?

Week 4 Check-In

Week 3 Check-In

Week 2 Check-In

Week 1 Check-In

The Artist’s Way

Even Wile E. Coyote gets to read!!!

Sorry I am a day late with the check-in this week.  A bomb went off in my day yesterday and I just couldn’t get it finished, but here goes…

I don’t even know where to start with this week’s check-in.  If you read my earlier post, you know that one of the assignments for this week was a reading fast – no reading at all for a whole week.  The rationale is to get out of other people’s thoughts and creations and into your own.  What I can say for certain is that while it was pretty miserable, I learned a LOT about myself.

• Week 4 Theme: “Recovering a Sense of Identity.”  This week is all about dealing with your real self and your realfeelings, as opposed to the ones that are on public display.  Mission accomplished.  Painfully so.Morning Pages: Yup.  I even powered through a couple of times when I wanted to stop after two pages.  Sure enough, something significant would come out in that third page.Artist Date:  Tuesday night, at 9:00, I found myself too tired to do any more work and DYING to read.  I was so angry that I couldn’t and found myself thinking, “FINE!  You want self-exploration, inner peace, silence, solitude?  I’ll give it to you!!”  So I did a 30-minute meditation with no music, no guidance from a recording – nothing.  I almost always use some sort of music or mantra when I meditate, and I have never sat for that long of a time in one block.  I’d love to say it changed my life, but it didn’t.  It did, however, calm me down and get me through the evening. I slept better that night than I had all week.

Any “Aha” Moments? Uh, yeah. Brace yourselves.

• First, I knew I loved reading, but despite the fact that my house is loaded to the rafters with books (which should have been a clue), I didn’t realize how integral reading is to my life and well-being.  At different times during this exercise I felt anguish, longing, anger… Not dissimilar to the range of emotions you feel when after a break-up, actually.  Sometimes, not being able to pick up a book felt physically unbearable.  I’m not even kidding.
• Second, I learned that I DO use reading as a way to escape from unpleasant feelings and self-examination.  Not all the time, but definitely sometimes.  Over this past week, whenever I felt upset, my hands just itched to pick up a book.  Not being able to forced me to confront what was bothering me.
• Third, I learned that I DO use reading as a way to avoid creating.  I amazed myself with my productivity this week.  I even finished a brand new story!  I’ve been promoting the MeeGenius children’s author contest, writing on my own blog and still, I didn’t feel totally out-of-control like I sometimes do.  Although I missed reading my favorite blogs and hanging out on Facebook and Twitter (I did a teensy bit, but FAR less than usual), it was a blessing to have an excuse to skip all that reading.  I will, however, be glad to get back to them.  Kind of like greeting a friend after an absence. 

So, what did I do while I wasn’t reading?  Well, I decorated my house for Christmas.  I cooked several meals on Sunday so as to be prepared for the week ahead.  I listened to Christmas music.  I took the dog for long walks.  I watched a movie and The Grinch with my kids.  I reflected (even when I didn’t want to).  And I wrote.  I learned that you really do need the silence spaces in order to let creativity bubble up to the surface.

What will I do with these lessons?  One thing is for sure, and that is I will NOT do a reading fast EVER. AGAIN.  HOWEVER, I do commit to bringing more awareness to my reading – just checking in mentally to see if I am reading for pleasure, for purpose, or to escape myself or my writing.  If it’s the latter, I will attempt to explore those feelings further before running away with a book (or Google Reader).

I also realize that I need to put more structure around my social media time.  I’ve known this for a long while, actually, but it took this week for me to admit that it’s getting in the way of my writing.  I LOVE blogging, reading blogs, Tweeting, Facebooking.  I’ve made some amazing friends this way!  *Here’s me looking at YOU.*  I will keep doing these things, but I am going to have to prioritize and set time limits.  For example, reading the blogs of my regular followers will always come first.  Next will be the ones that provide professional benefit to me.  If I have time left after that, I can read the ones that are just for fun.  And no matter what, I have to actually STOP when the time is up.

For one thing, I’ll never take reading for granted again!  While I certainly do not think that reading is an enemy to creativity or self-exploration, I do think bringing awareness to when, how, and why I choose to read when I do will be a good practice going forward.  I don’t think I’ll have any choice but to be honest with myself if I’m picking up a book, a magazine or scrolling through my Google reader as a way to escape difficult feelings or to shove my creative self away under the guise of “other work” I need to do.

A few favorite quotes from the Week 4 chapter:

“People frequently believe the creative life is grounded in fantasy.  The more difficult truth is that creativity is grounded in reality, in the particular, the focused, the well observed or specifically imagined.”

“Until we experience the freedom of solitude, we cannot connect authentically.  We may be enmeshed, but we are not encountered.”

“Reading deprivation is a very powerful tool–and a very frightening one.  Even thinking about it can bring up enormous rage (Uh, yeah!)  For most blocked creatives, reading is an addiction.  We gobble the words of others rather than digest our own thoughts and feelings, rather than cook up something of our own.”

The only other thing I have to say is — THANK GOD THAT’S OVER!

Have you ever examined hobbies or habits to see if you use them to escape?  Not only reading, but watching T.V., listening to music, surfing the Internet, etc.?

Week 3 Check-In

Week 2 Check-In

Week 1 Check-In

The Artist’s Way

What's on YOUR list?

ETA: As soon as I published this post, I immediately thought of more things I want to do and places I want to see. Rather than keeping track of them elsewhere, I will add them to the lists here.  I will also cross them off when I’ve completed them (except for the last list, because most of those things are ongoing rather than one-time).

For my 300th post, I decided to write a Bucket List – things I want to do before I die.  I divided the list into three (loose) categories of 100 each:  1) Places I Want to Visit, 2) Things I Want to Do (many of which include specific places), and 3) Ways I Want to Make a Difference in the World.

Making the first list was a snap.  I did not allow myself to include places I’ve already visited but want to see again, and even so, I had no trouble choosing 100 places.  I could never travel enough or see enough of the world.  I would go to every last corner of the earth of I could.  So I guess it’s good that I now have priorities!

The second list was more difficult.  I really had to stretch myself and give myself permission to dream big without allowing the censor to whisper, “Oh that’s not possible!”

The third list was by far the most difficult.  I always think in the nebulous terms of, “I want to make a difference,” but I never specify HOW exactly.  Now that I’ve reached 40, I realize it’s time I start not only thinking about it but doing some things.  For that reason, this was a very good exercise for me.  I think we should all think about not just what we want to do for ourselves but what mark we want to leave on the world.

One final comment: I did not include things that would require others to make specific choices.  For instance, I could easily have put, ‘See my kids get married’ or ‘Watch Michigan win a National Championship Game live’, but that would require outcomes I have no control over.  So I kept the list tightly focused on things that I would be capable (theoretically) of doing without being dependent on the decisions or actions of others.

Places to Visit

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” – St. Augustine

1. Kenya – Masai Mara
2. Egypt – Cairo, Pyramids, Red Sea, Nile
3. Morocco – Marrakech, Fez, Tangier, Sahara
4. South Africa
5. Tanzania/Mt. Kilamanjaro
6. Mauritius
7. Namibia – Etosha National Park, Skeleton Coast
8. Zimbabwe
9. Bwindi National Park, Uganda
10. Seychelles
11. Australia
    

    Sydney Harbor

12. New Zealand
13. Madagascar
14. Japan – Tokyo, Kyoto, Nara
15. Thailand
16. Vietnam
17. Indonesia/Bali
18. China – Shanghai, Beijing, Great Wall
19. Tibet
20. Nepal
21. Bhutan
22. The Taj Mahal, India
23. Mumbai, India
24. The ghats of Varanasi, India
25. Malaysia – Kuala Lumpur
26. Windsor Castle, England
27. Cornwall, England
28. The Lake District, England
29. Scottish Highlands
30. Ireland
31. Crete, Greece
32. Santorini, Greece
33. Zakinthos, Greece
    

    Zakynthos, Greece

34. Rhodes, Greece
35. Symi, Greece
36. Barcelona, Spain
37. Sevilla, Spain
38. Valencia, Spain
39. Cordoba & Granada, Spain
40. Provence, France
41. Carcassone, France
42. Normandy, France
43. Amalfi Coast, Italy
44. Bologna, Italy
45. Siena, Italy
46. Tuscan countryside, Italy
47. Sicily, Italy
48. Lake Garda, Italy
49. Salzburg, Austria
50. Vienna, Austria
51. Berlin, Germany
52. Black Forest, Germany
53. Swiss Alps
54. Lucerne, Switzerland
55. Amsterdam, Netherlands
56. Croatia
57. Budapest, Hungary
58. St. Petersburg, Russia
59. Sweden
60. Norway
    

    Norway Fjord

61. Iceland
62. Hebrides Islands
63. Rio de Janeiro
64. Amazon Rainforest
65. Argentina – Buenos Aires
66. Chile
67. Peru
68. Macchu Picchu
69. Patagonia – Argentina and Chile
70. Alaska
71. Many Glacier Lodge – Glacier National Park
72. Charleston, South Carolina
73. Savannah, Georgia
74. Cape Cod, Massachussets
75. New Hampshire in the autumn
76. Moab, Utah
77. Monument Valley, Utah
78. Mesa Verde National Park, Colorado
79. Great Sand Dunes National Park, Colorado
80. Florida Everglades
81. Isle Royale National Park, Michigan
82. Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore, Michigan
83. Hawaii – Big Island, Maui, Kauai
84. Santa Fe, New Mexico
85. Albuquerque, New Mexico
86. Finger Lakes Region, New York
87. Badlands, South Dakota
    

    South Dakota Badlands

88. Yosemite National Park, California
89. Santa Barbara, California
90. Quebec City, Canada
91. Niagara Falls, Canada
92. Banff National Park, Canada
93. Galapagos Islands, Ecuador
94. Yucatan Peninsula, Mexico
95. Baja California, Mexico
96. Chiapas, Mexico
97. Nicaragua
98. Belize
99. St. Lucia
100. St. Vincent & the Grenadines
101. Basque Region of Spain
102. Cuba

Things I Want to Do

“Life is either a great adventure or nothing.” — Helen Keller

1. Publish many books for children
2. Write and publish travel articles
3. Write and publish personal essays
4. Make The New York Times Bestseller list
5. Write a novel (at least one). I almost don’t even care if I ever publish one.  I just want to write one.
6. Write down my father’s “Greatest Hits” (i.e. his best stories)
7. Dive the Great Barrier Reef, Australia
8. Dive in the Red Sea, Egypt
9. Dive in Palau, Micronesia
10. Camel-trek in the Sinai desert
11. Go cage diving to see Great White Sharks
12. Dive in a kelp forest
13. Hike the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu during a full moon
14. Ride in a hot air balloon
15. Take my kids to Disney World
16. See a wolf in the wild
17. Go to the Rose Bowl when Michigan is playing
18. Ski Jackson Hole
19. Ski at every resort in Colorado
20. Ski the Dolomites in Italy
21. Ski the Alps
22. Learn to ski moguls like an expert
23. Learn to ski in powder like an expert
24. Go heli-skiing
25. Take a photography course
26. Stand on the field at The Big House
27. Perfect Adho Mukha Vrksasana (handstand) pose in yoga
28. Take an Italian language immersion class in Italy
29. Take a flamenco dancing class in Spain
30. Learn to speak fluent Italian
31. Read The Divine Comedy in Italian
32. Take surfing lessons
33. Touch an elephant
    

    Photo from my brother

34. Swim with dolphins
35. Attend an Eckhart Tolle retreat
36. Meet the Dalai Lama
37. Attend an Olympic Games
38. Spend Hogmanay in Edinburgh
39. Spend a few nights on The Royal Scotsman
40. Compete in a “mini” triathlon
41. Run another half marathon
42. Oktoberfest in Munich
43. Take cooking classes in Italy and France
44. Do wine-tasting tours in Italy and France
45. Wine-tasting tour in South Africa
46. See the Northern Lights
47. Successfully grow broccoli in my garden
48. Learn how to build an Excel spreadsheet
49. Perform in a play
50. Become a writing coach/teacher
51. Attend at least one World Cup game
52. Earn a living from writing and writing-related work
53. See a whale in the wild
54. Take my daughter to Rancho la Puerta
55. Attend the Yoga Journal conference in Estes Park
56. Do yoga in India
57. Make meditation a regular practice in my life
58. Write and e-publish a travel memoir
59. Finally read David Copperfield to the end
60. Learn Colorado history
61. Polar Bear safari in Cape Churchill, Canada
62. Bake a cake at altitude that doesn’t sink in the middle
63. Go Deep Sea fishing
64. See an opera at La Scala in Milan
65. Carnavale in Venice
66. Carnival in Rio de Janeiro
67. Stand on the North Pole
    

    Absolut bar at the Ice Hotel

68. Stay at the Ice Hotel in Sweden
69. Take my kids to see Les Mis
70. Sleep under the stars in the Sahara desert
71. Take a helicopter ride to see a live volcano
72. Walk on the Great Wall of China
73. Bush-walking in Seven Spirit Bay, Australia
74. Hike in Tasmania, Australia
75. Hike The Grand Traverse and Fiordland National Park, New Zealand
76. Stay in an overwater bungalow in Bora Bora
77. See the Iditarod – Anchorage, Alaska
78. Kayak in The Inside Passage and Glacier Bay, Alaska
79. Ride the Durango and Silverton steam train
80. Swim with Manatees in Florida
81. Attend the Highlights Foundation Writer’s Workshop at Chautauqua
82. Go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras
83. Go to the Balloon Fiesta in Albuquerque, NM
84. Go back to Camogli, Italy for the Sagra del Pesce
85. Cruise the Antarctic Peninsula
86. Learn to play poker
87. Ride a zipline in the jungle
88. Put all of our home movies together so we can watch them on TV
89. Digitize all of my “paper” photos
90. Organize all photos into digital albums
91. Complete all twelve weeks of The Artist’s Way
92. Go on a yoga/meditation retreat
93. Bag one of Colorado’s “Fourteeners.” Preferably Long’s Peak, which I can see from my front window
94. Write poetry more often – not for publication, just for myself
95. Climb a 50 ft. indoor rock wall (which my daughter can do!)
    

    la Tomatina - Bunol Spain

96. Ride the Trans-Siberian Railway
97. See a meteor shower
98. See every Michelangelo sculpture
99. Participate in la Tomatina – Tomato fight!
100. Learn more about my family history/geneology
101. Attend a local “festa” in rural Italy
102. See a Harp Seal in the wild

Ways I Want to Make a Difference

“If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one.” – Mother Teresa

1. Raise responsible, independent, compassionate children. If I fail at this, nothing else will matter.
2. Ensure my children receive a good education so they can contribute to the world.
3. Love my children boundlessly
4. Teach my kids to be appreciative
5. Encourage the kids in their natural sense of wonder
6. Expose my kids to as many experiences in the natural world as possible
7. Expose my kids to as many cultures as possible
8. Read as many books to my kids as possible
9. Look my kids in the eyes when I speak with them
10. Be as good of a mother to my kids as my mother was to me
11. Donate a portion of my personal proceeds from the sales of my (future) books to benefit related charities
12. Make an annual donation of food and blankets to the Humane Society
13. Adopt another dog or two (eventually – Rocky is enough for now!)
14. Continue teaching critical thinking skills via the Junior Great Books program
15. Help bring healthy, whole food to all school cafeterias by supporting the School Food Project and Food, Family, Farming foundation
16. Donate annually to National Public Radio and PBS
17. Donate annually to National Resources Defense Council and Defenders of Wildlife
18. Donate annually to The Sierra Club
19. Shop for gifts through organizations such as Unicef and National Wildlife Federation
20. Advocate sexual and reproductive health education and rights for women around the world – through donations and Kiva lending
21. Continue making micro-loans through Kiva
22. Vote in every election
23. Take Volunteer Vacations
24. Teach creative writing to children
25. Teach writing workshops for adults
26. Mentor new writers
27. Lead writing retreats that inspire women to give time to their creativity
28. Create a scholarship for these retreats
29. Help others live creative lives with passion
30. Support small, family-run businesses as much as possible
31. Grow vegetables in my garden every year
32. Plant trees in my yard and in the community
33. Each time I shop, buy one item for donation and put it in a box.  When the box is full, take it in to the food bank.
34. Buy organic food as much as possible
35. Shop at farmer’s markets more often
36. Continue serving on the PTO at my kids’ school
37. Support fellow writers by buying their books
38. Be “responsible for the energy I bring” – from Jill Bolte Taylor – more info here
39. Be a better listener
40. Practice patience
41. Do a better job of keeping in touch with people who are important to me
42. Volunteer to spend time with an elderly person
43. Practice living in the present moment so I can bring my full attention to the people I am with/what I am doing.
44. Participate in a Polar Bear Plunge for charity
45. Complete A Course in Miracles
46. Continue my Gratitude Sunday posts
47. Consistently donate clothing, toys and other items that we no longer use
48. Sponsor families in need at Thanksgiving and Christmas every year
49. Find ways to volunteer with my kids
50. Write letters to authorities advocating my views on issues that are important to me
51. Help Em sell Girl Scout cookies
52. Pick up litter at every opportunity
53. Participate in 5K, 10K and other runs that benefit charity
54. Donate my talents (writing critiques, editing, etc.) to online auctions to benefit charity
55. Make eye contact with people and smile
56. Whenever possible, say people’s names out loud to them
57. Remember to say “thank you” for each and every kindness and courtesy
58. Use my blog to create awareness of important issues
59. Read banned books and make sure my kids read banned books
60. Support the arts by providing funding for Kickstarter projects
61. Use my public speaking skills to motivate people
62. Recycle and compost as much as we can
63. Solar power our home
64. Use only non-toxic cleaning products
65. Always take re-usable bags when I go shopping
66. Tip well for good service
67. Give compliments often
68. Do nice things for strangers for no reason
69. Promote the good work of others
70. Don’t ignore people who are suffering – instead reach out to them
71. Conserve energy – turn off unused lights, unplug appliances, etc.
72. Write more Thank You notes
73. Get my Christmas cards out every year
74. Participate in Crayons to Calculators each year
75. Participate in Turn Off the T.V. Week each year
76. Start collecting Box Tops for education
77. Write notes to authors of books I love letting them know
78. Volunteer in a disaster recovery effort
79. Keep the computer turned off from the time my kids come home from school until they go to bed
80. Once a month, have a family game night
81. Read out loud to the kids as a family activity more often
82. Treat my family with respect
83. Do not buy meat from factory farms
84. Give without expecting anything in return
85. Observe the beauty in the world aloud to others
86. Practice forgiveness – work on forgiving those who have hurt me
87. Invite a neighbor over for a cocktail
88. Talk to my aunts and uncle so I can record stories of their childhood
89. Cook meals for friends more often
90. Teach the kids how to cook traditional family recipes
91. Volunteer in a women’s shelter
92. Volunteer, at least once, among the very poor
93. Volunteer to promote literacy among both children and adults
94. Read, with an open mind, articles and books written by people whose views are very different from my own
95. Value experiences over stuff and teach my kids to do the same
96. Help educate others about the importance of wild predators in the food chain
97. Write more book reviews to support books (and authors) I love
98. Learn about Feng Shui so I can apply some of it to my house
99. Do a better job of remembering the birthdays of friends and family members and to actually send cards
100. Advocate for art and physical education in public schools

Do you have a Bucket List?  If not, do you want to make one?  Here are some additional resources to get you started:

43 Things

Barefoot List

Creating a Bucket List

At the core of the course are two basic tools: Morning Pages and Artist Dates.  Morning pages are three pages of longhand (with pen and paper) stream-of-consciousness writing you do first thing in the morning – before anything else.  Morning pages are meant to show us that we don’t need to be in the mood to create, to stop judging, to release ourselves from outcome, and to remove all the “junk” that clutters our minds and keeps us frozen creatively. The Artist Date is a block of time, to be taken alone, to nurture your creativity.  See a movie, visit a flea market, take a hike — but do it ALONE.

In addition, every week has a chapter dedicated to a specific theme or issue to work on, along with exercises (optional) that take you further with the theme.  And of course, each week concludes with a check-in.  Did you write the pages, take the artist date, uncover any truths?

I have always had great excuses for not finishing the course.  I had a full-time job, I was too tired from taking care of young kids, I had an infant at home so I couldn’t go on the artist dates, etc.  I am not a morning person, so getting up to write those pages every day gets old.  Fast.

But a fellow blogger, C.B. Wentworth, has inspired me to try again.  On her blog, she has been posting about her experience with Wreck This Journal and sharing her insights.  By sharing her journey, she’s probably learning even more than if she were working on it solo.

So today, I started The Artist’s Way again.  I wrote my morning pages and signed the “Contract” for the third time.  Each Wednesday, I will use the blog as a check-in, both to keep myself accountable and to share whatever revelations I may have that week. With the blog at my back, so to speak, I think I can make it through this time.

Just one morning in, and I’ve already noticed that I am carrying around a lot of fear.  It seems appropriate then, that the theme for Week 1 is Security.  Now after today, I will not share specifics from my morning pages because they won’t be stream-of-consciousness if I feel I’m writing for an audience.  They are meant to be entirely private.  But today I will share.  This morning when I emerged from my morning pages, I was surprised to discover that: 1) I am very afraid of this limbo phase I am in right now where I’m transitioning to a writing career but not yet earning much income, and 2) how much better I felt just by acknowledging that fear.

I am SURE this fear is creating barriers to my creative growth and hampering my process.  I hope that taking this course will break those barriers down (at least a little) and alleviate some of the trepidation I am carrying around with me.

Have you ever done The Artist’s Way or a similar program?  Have you made it through the entire course?  Any advice?

My father had passed away at the end of that September.  Immediately after returning from his funeral, Phil and I had to move into my mother’s very small home with our two kids (then 1 and 4) because our house had suffered some damage.  The repair would be time-consuming and costly and render the house unlivable for the next two months.  It was clear to me that in order for us to recover financially, I would have to go back to work after having left when Jay was born.  I had hoped to begin pursuing a writing career then (2007), but that dream would end up waiting two more years.

My mother and father had been divorced for many years, so while she was sad, especially for me, it was not the same as the oppressive grief enveloping me.  The kids were too young to fully comprehend and while Phil understood and was also grieving, he was pulled back into that thing that doesn’t wait for people to “get over it” — life and work.

So even though I was surrounded by people crammed into this tight space, I felt like I was living inside of a black bubble that nobody could penetrate.  The best part of the day was bedtime, when I could shut everything off for a while.

After a few weeks of this, we decided to take the kids and rent a house in the mountains for a long weekend.  We needed to spread out and also give my beleaguered mother a break from our two energetic toddlers (not to mention my constant sadness).

Somewhere on the drive up, Jay had a diaper explosion of epic proportions, such that when we arrived, we had to strip him, put him in the bath, wash the

Em and Jay, ages 4 and 1, while we were living at my mother's

clothes and the car seat cover and hose down the car seat frame.  The next day, Michigan lost their football game.  That may seem like a small thing, but since my father and I bonded over football, it made me even more depressed.  I slept by myself in the cold basement because the slightest human sound (snoring, kids tossing and turning), kept me wide awake.  So much for rest and respite.

The last day of our stay, I took Em to a little paved trail at the center of the house’s subdivision.  This trail surrounded a small man-made pond.  (Native Coloradans would call it a lake, but as a Michigander, I knew better.)

Em said, “Mommy, I want to go down to the beach and look for seashells.”

Me: “We’re not going to find any seashells here, Em.”

Em: “Why not?

Me:  “Because we’re in the mountains, honey, so there won’t be any seashells here.  Plus, this is a man-made lake, so there probably isn’t anything living in it that wasn’t put there on purpose by the people who made the lake.”

All she heard was “mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa,” like the teacher in the Peanuts cartoons.  She was unrelenting.  “Please, Mommy!  I know we’ll find shells there if we just go look.  Please, please, PLEASE!”

I did not want to walk down to the lake, only to spend an hour looking for non-existent shells.  At four years old, Em did not take disappointment well and I could see an irrational outburst in my future.  But I swallowed everything I wanted to say about how nothing could live in this tiny pond at 9000 feet, that Colorado hadn’t seen any ocean since the Cretaceous period, and that even if there had been fossils here at some point, they’d be long gone after the excavation and building of the subdivision.  Off we went to the rocky “beach.”

Within one minute, Em came running to me with a small, gray shell in her hand.  A shell that had clearly had an aquatic creature living in it in the recent past.  I could not process what I was seeing.  I dropped to my knees and started sifting through the rocks and sure enough, there were shells.  Everywhere.  Hundreds of them.  Soon, the two of us were running around the beach, laughing and collecting as many shells as we could.

Although I didn’t realize it at the time, that event lifted a tiny bit of pressure from my heart and marked the beginning of my recovery.  Grief can take you to very dark places.  I’ve said before that you don’t ever “get over it,” but you can incorporate the loss and enjoy life again.  That day, my daughter and her sheer force of “belief” reminded me that life is a miracle and meant to be lived.

We’ve kept those shells and they seem to move around the house.  They’ve been inside the glove compartment of the car, in Em’s room on her dresser, in Jay’s closet, in a little Tibetan prayer altar I have on my dresser, on the kitchen counter.  It’s as if they turn up in different places so we can rediscover them and replay that beautiful moment over in our memories.

Now, I am sure there are scientists out there who could give me a perfectly grounded and logical explanation for those shells – what they are, why they live in that pond, etc.  If you are that person, please save yourself the time.

Because the fact that the shells exist is not the miracle.  The miracle is that we found them.

Do you believe in miracles?

Passing through the Faraglioni

It is a profound spiritual truth that the only thing permanent in this world is impermanence.  Such a simple thing to grasp intellectually, but so hard to accept emotionally. I am not the first person to feel this way.  Buddha himself said that suffering arises not from the fact of impermanence, but from our attempts to cling to that which is transient. Pre-Socrates, the Greek philosopher Heraclitus (c.540 – c.475 BC) said, “Everything flows and nothing abides, everything gives way and nothing stays fixed.”

This is on my mind today because exactly one month ago, on July 31st, we flew home from Italy.  I knew, of course, that the trip to Italy would end, as all things do.  I live in a beautiful place and I’m glad to be home, so it’s too strong to say that I wish I were still in Italy.  However, I admit to sometimes finding myself filled with longing for the sound of the sea outside my window in Camogli, the ululation of the language, which sounds like love itself.  I crave the food, the aroma, the architecture and even the chaos.

Of course, nature is the best teacher of impermanence, and this struck me many times in Italy,

The Blue Grotto

steeped as it is in history.  Off the island of Capri, for example, stand the Faraglioni – limestone rock formations shaped by wind and sea.  Limestone being very soft, it is likely that a person steering their boat through those rocks in 100 years will not see the same rock formations I did.  In 1000 years, the Faraglioni might be blown to dust.  How fortunate that I could enjoy them as they are today.  The Blue Grotto, formerly the private swimming pool of the Emperor Tiberius, may cave in on itself one day.  But I was there, if only for a moment.

Then of course there is Vesuvius.  Pompeii, an ancient time-capsule, tells a terrifying story of impermanence.  Yet millions of people still live along and beneath the slopes of Vesuvius, despite the wisps of sulfur gas that rise from the crater as the volcano percolates.  Change will surely

The mouth of Vesuvius

come again for that land.  But as Jay said, “I’m sure glad it didn’t erupt while we were there!”  Me too.

One good thing about change is that what changes you stays with you.  So I carry Italy with me here at home.  The country and the experiences I had there have become a part of who I am.  The experience shapes my present and will no doubt shape my future.  I came home filled with inspiration and ideas that I am now executing.  I am continuing my Italian lessons.  And I will go back and forge new memories based on more impermanent experiences.

The other day I was reading Rumi, as I am prone to do sometimes of an evening.  I rather like his take on what to do about impermanence:

“Come on sweetheart
let’s adore one another
before there is no more
of you and me”

Do you ever find yourself longing for the past?  What do you do to stay anchored in the present?

Here to teach you, I am

One of the coolest things I did this week was watch The Empire Strikes Back with the kids.  My all-time favorite of the Star Wars movies.  And while the things Yoda says are not exactly about gratitude, they certainly are wise.  A strong spiritual teacher, is he.  So in lieu of quotes on gratitude, this week, sharing my favorite yoda-isms am I.  Enjoy.

Yoda Quotes

“Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.”

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.“

“For my ally is the Force. And a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us… and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this… [nudging Luke's arm] crude matter! You must feel the Force around you. Here, between you, me, the tree, the rock… everywhere!”

“Difficult to see. Always in motion is the future.”

And a fun favorite…

“When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good, you will not, hm?“

Gratitude list for the week ending August 13

1. Well, watching The Empire Strikes Back with the kids.  Em’s reaction to the “big reveal” of Luke’s father was the exact same as mine.  NOOOOO!  She hasn’t stopped talking about it since.
2. Two “date nights” with Mom.  One nice dinner out and another to go see The Help.  I almost never like movies made from books I love, but they did a great job with this one.
3. In preparation for WriteOnCon this week, drafting two query letters and starting a comprehensive revision on another manuscript I have brewing.  Good to be back in the game.
4. My first post-Italy pilates class.  Felt good to start to counter-balance the impact of the pizza, pasta, gelato summer.
5. Crickets chirping (I know I said that last week too, but it’s so lovely to work at my computer in the evening to their nighttime serenade)
6. The health of my family and friends.  I am always thankful for this, but tragedy struck a dear friend of a dear friend of mine this week, which always puts the important things in life in sharp perspective.  My heart is with my friend and her friend’s family.
7. I have received unexpected and surprising compliments on my posts about Italy this week.  I’m glad, because I have so enjoyed writing them.
8. My dictionary and my thesaurus.  And Rhymezone.com.  How my writing would be so much more of a struggle without them!
9. Gearing up for the start of school – tomorrow!  This is bittersweet, as I’ll send my baby on the bus this year.  But he’s ready, so I should be too.
10. Having a girl’s night with Em – getting a mani/pedi together

What are you grateful for this week?