As a reader, this makes sense to me.  We want to draw our own meaning from stories.  Likewise, we do not want to deprive children of the same opportunity to apply their own experience and emotional intelligence to what they read in order to draw their own conclusions.  Nobody likes a lecture, so why would they want to read one?

As a writer, I just spent the last week toning down the message of one of my own WIPs. This one had started out as a book about getting kids excited about eating fruits and vegetables and is now about a little girl who is not tall enough to ride a roller coaster and goes to great lengths to get tall enough (which where the fruits and veggies come in as a last resort).  It’s a much more fast-paced, humorous story now, but I wonder: will it achieve the goal I set out with, which is to give parents a fun and lighthearted way to introduce the benefits of healthy eating to their children?  Are children really more willing to consider messages when they are wrapped in a package of a cute story?

I think I was asking the wrong question initially.  I realized I needed to be more concerned about what the children wanted, not their parents.  Sure, the parent audience must be considered when writing a picture book, but ultimately if the child doesn’t like the story, it won’t get read.  Children don’t care about nutrition, the obesity epidemic, life spans or early onset diabetes.  What they do care about is using their bodies for FUN.  That’s where I decided to put the focus.

It can be very challenging to step back from a subject or an issue you are passionate about and trust that your young readers will “get it” without resorting to didactic storytelling, especially if the message comes to you before the story.

In my case, the message definitely came before the story. When I was a new mother, I was determined to feed my baby the healthiest food I could find, even if I had to make baby food myself (which I did).  As my first child got older and I was able to read more sophisticated books to her, I found that many of the books that dealt with food at all overwhelmingly referred to the old standbys: pizza, hot dogs, macaroni and cheese and so on.  That’s where the idea to write a story where fruits and vegetables play an important and exciting role came into play.  Many, many, many, MANY drafts later, I think it is getting close to keeping the message without being obvious about it.  The story of the girl and her desire to ride the roller coaster is the crux, and the healthy food is just a prop (among several) along the way.

Keeping messages in check is particularly relevant to the picture book genre where it is so easy to drop into teaching mode.  After all, the littlest readers really do have a lot to learn and often parents are looking for resources to help them with common parenting problems.  In some cases, “issue” books about potty training, giving up a pacifier, or a new baby in the family may suffice.  But with broader ongoing issues, such as character, self-esteem, health and education, it can be trickier.

I imagine, though, that all children’s writers wrestle with this problem.  In middle grade it might be bullying or blowing off school.  In YA it might be drugs, suicide or safe (or no) sex.

So, writers of the world: how do you manage your messages?  Do your stories or messages come first?  Is it possible to have just a story and no message?  If so, where does the emotional intensity come from?  Are there times when it’s okay to focus on the message first?  All I know is: it’s complicated.

What place does this confession have in a post on gratitude you ask?  Namely, it’s a reminder of the importance of practicing gratitude not only when life is hunky-dory, but also when life is a little (or a lot) stinky.  Especially when life is stinky, because that’s when gratitude makes the biggest difference.  One of the most important lessons I learned when my dad died was that even on your worst day, there is always something to be thankful for.  That day, and the week following, it was the stunning autumn weather I was grateful for.  That and the loons singing on the lake in the morning.

This week was very far from my worst week – just an annoying and nuisance-y one.  It’s much easier to gush about gratitude after an idyllic vacation.  However, it’s perhaps more valuable to practice gratitude when you think your writing sucks and you might never earn another dime again, you have the yucky daily task of cleaning your dog’s infected ear, you have piles of laundry to fold and you’ve just yelled at your kids for what seems like the 100th time in one day and they’re still not listening.  Or so I’m told.

So without further adieu, here is this week’s Gratitude Sunday post, warts and all.

Quotes on Gratitude

“Count your blessings not your troubles.” — Dale Carnegie

“Now there are many, many people in the world, but relatively few with whom we interact, and even fewer who cause us problems.  So, when you come across such a chance for practicing patience and tolerance, you should treat it with gratitude.  It is rare.” — Dalai Lama

“Reflect on your present blessings – of which every man has many – not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” — Charles Dickens

Gratitude List for the week ending July 24

1. Corey Schwartz, fellow rhyming picture book writer and blogger, who gave me some very insightful comments on one of my manuscripts.  Check out her blog too.
2. My husband, for keeping the kids entertained yesterday so I could get some writing done.
3. A break in the heat = perfect weather for writing outdoors on the patio.
4. The kids played quietly together for more than an hour to build a cabin out of Lincoln Logs.
5. A new ice cream and sandwich shop on the main drag in our little town.
6. The billowy white cotton nightgown I bought myself.  I’ve always wanted one just like it.
7. Taking Em to see The Karate Kid.  Not as good as the original, but fun to go with her.
8. Anna Maria’s Gift, by Janice Shefelman.  Em read the whole book in two days and then started from the beginning again.
9. The Lafayette Public Library for a fantastic pirate-themed event celebrating the end of the summer reading program.
10. The smell and feel of sheets and clothes taken down from the line outside.

What are you grateful for this week?

The kids' log cabin creation

Thanks to my father-in-law for bringing it to my attention.

Just one of the thousands of lakes in Michigan

View from the Arnold Line ferry dock

Mackinac Island, for the uninitiated, is located in the Straights of Mackinac between the lower and upper peninsulas of Michigan on the Lake Huron side.  Motor vehicles are prohibited on the island and have been since 1898.  Methods of transportation include bicycles, horseback or horse-drawn carriage, or your own two feet.

I visited Mackinac many times growing up, but almost always as a day trip.  In fact, the only time I spent the night was after partying with some friends who were working there for the summer (but that’s another story).  I have only fond memories of visiting the island: as a child with my parents, riding in a horse-drawn carriage for the first time, on my eighth grade class trip, with my first boyfriend in high school, with friends at the aforementioned party, with Phil when we were still dating, and then finally, last week with Phil and the kids.  I always knew I would take my kids to Mackinac one day.  As a girl, I dreamed about seeing it for the first time through their eyes, and once again, Mackinac Island did not disappoint me.

Part of the Grand Hotel porch, taken from the lawn

Soon after arriving at the docks, Phil and I bought the kids an ice cream cone and waited for a “taxi” (carriage) to take us to the Grand Hotel, where we would be spending the night.  I’m sure I was more excited than the rest of the family put together.  Staying at the Grand Hotel had been on my Bucket List since I first laid eyes on it as a child.  The childhood longing I had to wander the halls, dine in the Grand style and take a dip in the Esther Williams swimming pool was no doubt magnified by the fact that, when I was a kid, non-guests were only allowed on the porch of the hotel.  Now you can pay an entrance fee to tour the lobby, parlor and gardens (not including the pool), but back then – oh to stare down at that pool on a hot day from so far up.  It was torture!

Our room

Finally, I got to walk through the doors and go deep into the hotel, which is literally a feast for the eyes.  John Singer Sargent portraits hang cheek by jowl with historical photos and newspaper clippings detailing the visits of the Grand’s many famous guests.  Dozens of crystal chandeliers hang above plush green carpet adorned with geraniums in the famous parlor, while every window provides a sweeping view of Lake Huron.  The long white porch is lined with glowing red geraniums and American flags and is furnished with dozens of white rockers perfect for taking in the view.  Look down and you see the impeccable lawn and gardens, and yes, the jewel of a pool that tempts (taunts?) with its serpentine shape.  Every room in the hotel is unique.  Ours was decorated like a old-fashioned peppermint candy and had a magnificent carriage-style balcony overlooking a bluff and Lake Huron beyond.  So far so good.

Things unraveled a little that evening, however.  Part of the “Grand” experience is dressing for dinner (our dinner photo is here), which Em had been looking forward to for weeks.  Coat and tie for men and dresses or suits for women are required.  We rarely dress up, living in “casual country” out West, so it seems almost quaint when we do.  We had high hopes.

The Grand Hotel operates on an “all-inclusive” program.  Your room and three meals are included in the price, no gratuities permitted.  The end result of this system is a cruise ship atmosphere.  “Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” to quote Jerry Seinfeld.  That is, if a cruise ship experience is what you’re looking for.  The cavernous dining room, while gorgeous, holds hundreds of people and turns over at least twice each evening, which leads to service that is abrupt, impersonal and rushed.  You do not get the sense that is okay to linger over your meal, nor do you want to since the setting is anything but intimate.  The meal itself was pretty decent considering how many people they feed, but the overall experience left us a little flat.  And by “us” I really mean Phil and me.  The kids were oblivious.  We got similar clipped service from the porters and front desk staff or basically anyone of whom we asked a question.

With kids on the Grand Hotel porch

So, would I stay at the Grand again?  No.  It’s definitely one of those things you do once for the experience.  Am I glad I finally did?  Absolutely!  I still had that childhood sense of privilege to be a bona fide guest, and there is no denying that it is one of the most beautiful hotel properties anywhere.

The real treat came the next day when we rode with the kids on tandem bikes around the island (although the irony of denying them a swim in the pool did not escape me).  Did I mention the spectacular weather we had?  In fact, it was probably the best day in the history of best days on Mackinac.  A cloudless sky draped over jeweled water so blue you’d think you were in the Caribbean.  (Or you’d think that until you put your feet in the water and realized that the Great Lakes are a long, LONG way from the Caribbean Sea).  Warm enough to take a dip in the cool clear waters and emerge with feeling still remaining in your limbs.  We armed ourselves with a picnic that included lots of famous Mackinac Island fudge and made many stops along the way to enjoy the water and the scenery.

Face first into Lake Huron

At one point, full of gratitude to bursting, I sang Bicycle Built for Two to Em as we pedaled together.  The lyrics fit the day and the mood perfectly:

Daisy, Daisy,
Give me your answer do!
I’m half crazy,
All for the love of you!
It won’t be a stylish marriage,
I can’t afford a carriage
But you’ll look sweet upon the seat
Of a bicycle built for two.

In fact, I think this picture of Jay captures the Mackinac trip perfectly:

As our ferry pulled back from the dock that day, Em sighed and said, “Someday I’m going to have a house here.”

I know the feeling.

The magic of Mackinac lives on, and I am grateful that I had the chance to share it with my children.

P.S.  This is the first week since I’ve started blogging that I haven’t posted even once between two Sundays.  Blogging with the kids out of school and while on vacation has proved more difficult than I anticipated.  I’ll be back to a more regular schedule (fingers crossed!) now that we are home.

Quotes on Gratitude

“(Happiness) is produced not so much by great pieces of good fortune that seldom happen as by little advantages that occur every day” — Benjamin Franklin

“…I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child — our own two eyes. All is a miracle.” — That Nich Hanh

“Gratitude is a quality similar to electricity: it must be produced and discharged and used up in order to exist at all.” — William Faulkner

Gratitude List for the week ending July 17

1. Fulfilling my childhood dream of spending a night in the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island (post on that coming soon)
2. Riding bikes around Mackinac Island, Em and I on a tandem with wide handlebars and a basket in front.  Riding on the sun-dappled road with Lake Huron in constant view, I felt like I should have been wearing an ankle-length Victorian dress complete with girdle and lace-up boots.  Luckily, I was in shorts and T-shirt instead.
3. Stopping for a swim break in the crystal clear waters of Lake Huron
4. Murdick’s Mackinac Island fudge – particularly the Chocolate Macadamia Nut
5. Taking the kids on a carriage ride on the island
6. “Taking” my niece to see Eclipse (okay, okay – I asked if she wanted to go so I could go too)
7. Picking Rocky up from doggy daycare when we got home
8. Enjoying our first produce from the garden – rainbow chard and sugar snap peas
9. Standing on the patio in bare feet after dark and feeling the heat retained from the summer sun in the stones.
10. I hate to admit it, but I am grateful to once again have a regular and reliable Internet connection.

What are you grateful for this week?

Dressed for Dinner at Grand Hotel

Quotes on Gratitude

“In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich.” — Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it” — Confucious

“I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.” — Arthur Rubinstein

Gratitude List for the week ending July 10

1. Catching up with extended family both at home before we left, at the reunion in Cleveland and here on the lake.
2. Cheesy, but fun dinner at a Japanese steakhouse in Cedar Point
3. Em’s bravery on the rides – particularly the Magnum, which is my favorite roller coaster.  I still can’t believe she rode it once, much less two times.
4. Browsing through the Dawn Treader Book Shop in Ann Arbor – one of the best used/antiquarian bookstores in the world!
5. Picking up goodies at Zingerman’s Deli before heading up North.  Their Brillat-Savarin was the best cheese I’ve eaten outside of Europe.
6. Getting to Grandma Nancy’s house and settling in.  Good food, good wine, good conversation, good fun!
7. A long visit with an old friend – always a treat
8. Tuscan-like clouds in a bright blue sky over the emerald lake.
9. Dining alfresco on the deck
10. Water – water everywhere.  Especially floating on it in a lounger.

What are you grateful for this week?

Needless to say, we had a lot of fun at Cedar Point despite the sweltering heat.  Em rode her first “real” roller coasters, including the Magnum, which includes a 200-ft drop (can’t imagine where she gets her daredevil spirit from…).  Also, we found out that Jay does, in fact, have a breaking point.  This is a child who would NEVER fall asleep in his stroller, on airplanes, on your shoulder, or anywhere else except a horizontal sleeping surface.  Nonetheless, after staying up until midnight on the Fourth doing rides and watching fireworks, getting up at 9 a.m. on Monday to get back into the park and ride rides all day, he finally collapsed on Phil’s shoulder while Em and I were in line for the Magnum.  As Phil said, we “wore him down to a nub.”  This is what he looked like in the car on the way up to Michigan:

Now we are in Northern Michigan enjoying life on the lake.  My Internet access is still spotty, but I’ll write when I can and try to get caught up reading your blogs too.  In the meantime, I hope everyone is having a happy summer!

As far as places to spend the Fourth of July go, I really can’t think of a better place than middle America.  This is truly the land of sparklers, the bean bag toss, cold beer and red meat.  I was dreading this family reunion, as horrible as that sounds, because it is the first one without my Dad.  There are times when I am sad, but at the same time, it’s also comforting to be with so many people who also loved him.  This family has always made a point of getting together and staying in touch – through good times and horrible times, for better or for worse.  I’m glad for the chance to model the importance of family to my children.  There has been no small amount of drama through the years, but we persevere.  How?  Well, we love each other for one.  For another, copious amounts of alcohol flow at these gatherings (hey, I’m just being honest!).  Sometimes you did need to numb history a little bit, and that’s okay with me if it keeps everyone together.

ANYWAY, after the detour in Cedar Point and Ann Arbor, I should be able to post more regularly.  I will not be posting Gratitude Sunday tomorrow for lack of Internet access, but it will be back at it’s regularly scheduled time next Sunday.  So until we reunite next week, Happy 4th of July to all the American readers out there!

The book I bought from Leslie

Another fabulous presenter during my week at Rancho la Puerta talked about rediscovering the magic and wonder of life and channeling that wonder into creative energy.  Leslie McGuirk — artist, children’s book author (serendipity anyone?), and creativity evangelist — conducted a series of workshops entitled, “The Quest for Inspiration.”  Leslie argues that every person is creative – not just artists, writers and musicians.  In fact, Leslie says creativity comes much more from how you see and experience the world than how well you write or draw.

Leslie said most adults in the U.S. live in the “numb zone,” a place where routine reigns and logic and practicality are king.  We mosey along in our lives, driving the same routes, performing the same tasks, sleeping on the same side of the bed, watching the same shows, talking to the same people.  Instead, if we consciously view the world as a magical place where anything can happen at any time, soon we will experience it that way too.  The good news is, we can do this by making even the tiniest of adjustments to our daily routines.

For example, if you’ve ever been to a yoga class you know that sometimes the instructor will tell you to clasp your fingers or cross your legs the opposite way than you usually do.  To most people, this feels very strange and requires active thought to even do it in the first place.  Turns out this actually helps create and reinforce new pathways in the brain which can lead to different ways of thinking and being.  Leslie said you can expand on that concept.  For instance, if you sleep on the same side of the bed every night, (gasp!) switch sides.  Other ideas: take a different route for your morning commute, run on the opposite side of the road/trail you use for your morning run, make random lists of the first five things that pop into your head.  Also, don’t forget to be goofy.  Those of us with children or writing for children have it a bit easier here.  Children act as tour guides for grownups, taking us back into that place where the world is brand new and oozing with possibility.  If you don’t have kids, do “kid-like” things.  Go to the zoo or an amusement park.  Dance around your house for pure pleasure.  Look for ladybugs in your backyard and count how many you find.  Laugh.  A lot.

Leslie also gave us a trick to remember people’s names.  She said people LOVE hearing their names spoken aloud.  They feel “seen” and respected.  She said simply saying people’s names when speaking to them can change your life in ways from the simple to the dramatic.  Here’s how it works: when someone tells you his/her name, look directly at his/her face and think of a famous person with that name.  Julia becomes Julia Roberts.  Steve becomes Steve Martin, and so on.  Even with 40+ people in the room that night, when we went back over everyone’s names we got a surprising number of them right (well, Leslie got a surprising number of them right as we cheered her on).

Jane and I decided to test it out at dinner that night.  Our waiter, Jesus Manuel, didn’t seem to respond much one way or the other to our saying his name every time we asked him something or said thank you.  However, the next day (Thursday), we were expecting cookies at lunch (both of us would swear that cookie day had always been on Thursday in past years).  Finding none, we asked Jesus Manuel when the cookies were coming.  We must have looked quite crushed when he told us there would be no cookies until Friday, because the next thing we knew, Jesus Manuel brought us cookies from his own personal stash.  This may seem like a simple thing, but five days into the Ranch diet, trust me when I tell you it was dramatic.  Lovely, in fact.

Speaking of personal interaction, Leslie advised us to “live our lives as if everyone we meet has something for us.”  Kind of changes your perspective on those interactions with the supermarket clerk, the next-door neighbor, the person who asks for directions, and yes – the waiter.  No Jesus Manuel – no cookies.

Seeing and participating in the world in different ways, like most endeavors, takes awareness and practice.  Leslie said, “Inspiration has to find you; you can’t go looking for it.”  I translate that to mean that when inspiration presents itself, you need to be able to recognize it and give it a warm welcome.  The world really is full of miracles.  All we need to do is make ourselves receptacles to receive them.

Quotes on Gratitude

“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.” — Thornton Wilder

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” — Albert Einstein

“Can you see the holiness in those things you take for granted–a paved road or a washing machine? If you concentrate on finding what is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.” — Rabbi Harold Kushner

Gratitude List for the week ending June 26

1. A lifeguard named Mitch, who saw Jay fall off the child platform during swimming lessons and jumped in to pull him out of the water.  I could use this one as the whole list really.  I’ve been thanking him in my head every hour of every day this week.
2. A great run with Rocky yesterday morning
3. Finishing one good book and starting another
4. Glacier ice cream
5. Afternoon snoozes after mornings at the pool
6. Fun with friends Friday – the kids played, we went to lunch and then saw Toy Story 3.  The moms got to talk for more than five minutes without interruption.
7. Playing in the pool with friends
8. Mom’s flank steak dinner
9. Scoring tickets to a live event with Eckhart Tolle
10. Last night, Jay fell asleep, all in his own, immediately.

What are you grateful for this week?